Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
