I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
