BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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