Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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