Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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