Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
