I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
