Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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