Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
