Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
