Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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