I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
