My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
