apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
