my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
