did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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