i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
