I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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