I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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