So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
