wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
