You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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