oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
