I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
