Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
