Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
