im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
