As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
