On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
