Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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