Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
