I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
