She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
