Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
