Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
