im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
