I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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