Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
