If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
