Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
