ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
