I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
