and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
