I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
