I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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