I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
