dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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