the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
