Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
