end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
