Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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