i wish my penis had a tongue
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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