I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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