did you get engaged???
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
